Waiting for us
by Floydgoneawry
Summary: Imagine...but first you must learn how to smile as you kill.
1. War is over

It's so cold here.

I should probably say where here is.

I must be honest…I'm not sure.

We were just dropped off seven or eight days ago  
after a somewhat vague briefing.

I can just say we're in the mountains somewhere.

The past few days were spent hiding out, showing  
ourselves long enough to cause a problem for the  
enemy, and then disappearing into the woods again.

You probably want to know who I am as well.

I am a member of the SOS Brigade.

No…

…it's not as exciting or interesting as it may sound.

The Secret Operations Service Brigade is only a long  
winded name for the expendables.

We go into the war-zone to make sure it's safe for  
the infantry.

Kind of like sending a person into the mine shaft to  
make sure it's safe for a canary...

...I digress.

There are five of us hunkered down by the side of the  
road in this God-forsaken ditch: two sergeants, a  
corporal and two privates. We each have our  
weapons and a pack with our bedrolls and various  
pieces of field equipment.

Right next to me is Sergeant Itsuki Koizumi; our point  
man and a smug bastard that I wish would sit a little  
further away.

Then there's our forward observer, Private Mikuru  
Asahina; shy, frightened, and kind of cute, if I may say  
so off the record. I hate watching her struggle with  
that radio, but I would be even more worried to see  
her with a rifle in her hands…

…for the sake of her, and our, safety.

A little further down from me is our fearless patrol  
leader; Sergeant First Class Haruhi Suzumiya. She's  
the only person I could ever imagine being excited  
about what we do.

Maybe Haruhi is just too hard-headed to understand  
that war is not as romantic as people believe…

…or that we were sent here to die.

Maybe she's a little crazy as well.

Funny how I can consider her the crazy one out here.

"Kyon! Quit spacing out. What's wrong with you?  
If you don't pay attention we could be found. No  
wonder you're still a private."

You guessed it. I'm the other private in this group of  
the damned.

No real area of expertise, just the rifleman of the  
group.

Maybe even the only voice of reason.

I suppose I should be grateful that Haruhi didn't make  
me the sniper. That kind of responsibility would have  
killed me.

Speaking of which…

There she was.

Corporal Yuki Nagato, resident sniper, was sitting  
further away from us with a book in her hands.

Nagato…Bookworm Nagato…One-Shot Nagato…

She's the only person I know who would pack a book  
in lieu of extra ammunition or rations.

I had tried to explain to her back at base that she  
would want all the supplies out here that she could  
get, but she just looked right past me and walked  
away.

I couldn't just let her go without so I carried her extra  
bullets.

She knew better then me I suppose.

One week out here and she hasn't even asked me  
for them.

She knew how many rounds she would need.

I really wish I had those spare rations right now.

There were only a few pages left in her book and it  
seemed as if she was hurrying to finish it tonight.

I don't think anyone else would have noticed the extra  
diligence in her reading if they had not known her  
normal pace as I did.

I could barely see her eyes through the glare her  
glasses produced.

How can she even read in such dim light?

The full moon illuminated the earth just enough for me  
to make out our surroundings but there's no way I  
could read anything out here.

She closed the book and looked up at me.

As if questioning her actions for the first time, she  
hesitantly held the book out for me to take.

What am I supposed to do with this?

It was just as I tucked it into my pack that I heard  
them…

…the sound of soldiers walking quietly along the road  
while pushing their jeeps in neutral to avoid detection.

I heard Haruhi click the safety off her rifle and she  
moved into a readied crouch. The smile she wore was  
imbecilic.

Are you crazy? There's no way we can take them.  
There has to be at least fifty.

"We can't just let them go Kyon. What kind of soldier  
are you?"

A living one. And I would like to stay that way long  
enough to get out of here.

Luckily, the look on her face told me that she agreed  
and Haruhi relaxed.

Every now and then, she can be reasonable.

I thought they had passed.

I thought we were safe.

The sound of rounds being chambered and the sight  
of gleaming barrels pointed at us told me otherwise.

Five soldiers pulled us out of the trench one by one  
and searched us for any hidden weapons, but they let  
us keep the entrenching tools that were hanging from  
our belts.

"Hey, we found her!"

They seemed particularly happy when they saw  
Nagato.

That rifle was her death warrant.

Why didn't I switch with her?

Why didn't I think to trade weapons?

We were all pushed deeper into the woods and forced  
together under a tree…

…except for Nagato.

Two of them dragged her off into some bushes.

I could hear her uniform tearing and, from the corner  
of my eye, I could see them push her onto her back.

No! What are you doing?

"Shut up! Sit down."

"Take me!"

What are you doing Haruhi?

"She didn't make a shot that I didn't tell her to. It's my  
fault. Take me."

Haruhi is a lot of things; selfish, foolhardy,  
thick-skulled, idiotic, and sometimes just stupid…but  
she cares about us deep down.

Another soldier slapped her and pushed her to the  
ground.

"You can be next if you like."

With a defiant scowl on her face, Haruhi glared at her  
oppressor.

I would steal glances over to where Nagato was  
whenever I thought I could.

With every grunt he made I saw her legs lift off the  
ground slightly.

I think I'm going to be sick.

One stood up and fixed his uniform and the other took  
his place.

Those bastards!

This is just some leisure time for them.

The first rejoined the group and another left to await  
his turn.

This happened over and over until four of them had  
had their way.

"Have another go," their leader told them.

So he wasn't going to do it.

What…is Nagato not good enough for you?

Apparently she was too soiled for use now and they  
picked her up and pushed her against a tree where  
they took to using her as a punching bag.

The only sound in protest she made was from the air  
being forced from her body.

"That's enough. Bring her over here."

They forced Nagato to walk from where she was to  
join us. Her trousers were still open and they slowly  
fell down around her ankles. Her uniform blouse was  
torn and her undershirt ripped and ragged.

During her punishment, Nagato's glasses had fallen  
from her face and I could see what had been hidden  
by those clouded windows for so long.

Her eyes said nothing.

There was no sign of embarrassment or pain.

She had the same emotionless manner as always.

Nagato looked up at their sergeant who towered over  
her.

He held the rifle in front of her face as if to rub her  
nose in it.

"You didn't even have any bullets left."

Why didn't you tell me Nagato?

In one quick motion, he struck her with the rifle butt  
and she fell to the ground.

"Get up!" he said while giving her a kick in the ribs.

Obediently, she rose to her feet.

"You've been quite a nuisance to us. I'm only sorry  
that I can do this once."

She looked over to me.

For a brief moment, Nagato and I locked eyes.

I had never looked into her eyes.

They were empty and cold but also full of unknown life.

Though they lacked all emotion, they made me feel  
what I had never felt before.

They made me feel disgusting and holy at the same  
time.

They were a void that drew me in.

I hated them and yet I never wanted to stop starring  
into them.

Standing there, in her torn uniform with bruises  
beginning to form on her stomach, the open top  
graciously concealing her breasts, blood and semen  
dripping down her legs, her hair dirty and mussed, a trail  
of red running down the left side of her face, and her  
eyes like ice on fire, she was the most beautiful creature  
I had ever beheld.

The pistol was placed against her left temple and he  
pushed on it a little, forcing her head to tilt slightly to  
the right.

Nagato blinked twice and then exhaled for the last time.


	2. if you want it

I know.

You're wondering if I watched.

Of course I did.

I had to.

I had to see it.

I couldn't prevent it.

Why should I be allowed the luxury of forgetting  
about it?

I had to let it torment me.

It was my self-punishment.

The image would stay with me for the rest of my life.

I could hear someone screaming as she fell to the  
ground…

…her blank eyes still open and starring at me.

They just shot her, as if this one little life meant  
nothing to them.

I could still hear the screaming.

Like her life was just something that could be snuffed  
without a second thought.

Why wouldn't that idiot quit screaming?

I thought this until I felt the butt of a rifle against my  
head and heard someone tell me to shut up.

We were allowed to bury her with some dignity.

I got on my knees along with the others and dug at  
the base of the tree.

The soil was soft and only the occasional rock slowed  
our progress.

One of them split the blade of my shovel.

Dammit! What else will go wrong?

I reached for…

…no…

…I can't use Nagato's.

"Here," Asahina's voice was cracked and low,  
"use mine."

I took it and she returned to her work, sewing the  
ends of Nagato's blanket together.

The hole gradually became deeper and deeper.

How deep are you going to make us dig?

What's the point?

Somehow, they decided we had gone far enough.

Koizumi and I placed her in the blanket.

She was already getting cold.

A puff of air escaped her mouth, causing a small swirl  
in the cold air like the last vapour of life.

I pulled her trousers up and tried to fix her shirt.

It was surprisingly hard for me to close her eyes.

Private Asahina began sewing the blanket completely  
closed.

We lowered her into the grave and pushed the softer  
soil in first.

The bigger rocks were saved for the top in hopes that  
they would prevent the grave from being disturbed by  
any wolves.

We pushed Nagato's E-tool into the earth at the head  
of her grave and looped her dog-tags around the  
handle.

They forced us to our feet and, with our hands behind  
our heads, we walked to catch up with the rest of the  
troops we had seen marching along the road.

I saw that the gleam I had so despised in Haruhi's  
eyes was gone now.

They were hardened by what we had just seen.

I don't want to say it…

…but…

…they almost looked like…

I took one last look at the tiny grave we had dug;  
trying desperately to remember the location.

It was just an ordinary tree before…

…just some stupid, lowly tree that wasn't worth  
looking at...

...until now…

…now it was Nagato's tree.

Would that tree flourish with Nagato for nurishment?

Would the grass be greener around its base?

Maybe, one day, we would be able to visit and  
decorate the grave with flowers.

When would that day be?

In a year?

In five years?

In a hundred years?

It did not matter.

Yuki would always be there…

…waiting for us.


End file.
